I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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