So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
