Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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