She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
