So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
