Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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