this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
