At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
