i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
