we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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