There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
