I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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