1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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