You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
