Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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