When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
time to smoke my breakfast
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
