You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
