yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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