dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I died a long time ago.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
