I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
