god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
