Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
