He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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