Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
