He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
