When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
