My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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