oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
