Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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