I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
