I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
