everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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