i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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