She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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