i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
