and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
as a side note pls kill me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
