No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
