I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
