im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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