I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
