found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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