we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
