How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
