i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
