Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
