I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
