She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
