you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
