i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Found the puke drawer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
