y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
