white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
