dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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