You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
