why didn't you poke me back
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
