Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
