What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
