I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
