I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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