He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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